Exposé: Jeremy Corbyn is a tree.


Since his election as leader of the labour party Jeremy Corbyn has been described by both friends and enemies as being “wizardlike” and “probably asleep”. However the Daily Gael – the Highland region’s lowest budget news substitute- can reveal that he is in fact a tree.

When approached for comment Mr. Corbyn simply swayed from side to side till left alone as has been his go to strategy during Prime Minister’s questions and cabinet disagreements.

Corbyn pictured here being a tree.

Corbyn pictured here pondering the fate of European socialism and being a tree.

The party are said to be shocked, but not surprised while being somewhat concerned yet reassured and defiantly not divided on the issue:

“I wish to remain anonymous and I certainly have no plans to have him felled by the Slovakian lads who fitted the Aga” said Hilary Benn.

“A well timed sneeze could split the party at the moment. I’m not touching this shit” said Dianne Abbot.

“I am very fond of myself and things I like” said Tristam Hunt.

Mr. Corbyn is not the first plant to lead a U.K party. Famously in 1914, cuttings from the Duke of Gloucester’s hedge led the Whigs to a crushing victory over the liberals and more recently an algae-like growth of indescribable horror named David Cameron secured three extra croissants and 1/2 litre of Italian table wine from our friends In Europe.

“Tree or not, he should still put on a suit and sing the national anthem!” spurted Cameron.