Europa League “Pointless” after Inverness Qualify


The Europa league has been declared “a meaningless cruel joke” after Inverness Caledonian Thistle qualified for the tournament for the first time in their history.

“20 years ago we were freezing our nads off in Wick and being eaten alive by midges in Fort William. Now we could be doing the exact same thing against the 5th best team in Norway. What a privilege” said Caley boss John Hughes.

“This would be the greatest honour in the club’s history had Elton John not used our stadium for a gig 7 years ago”.

“Nonetheless, we are looking forward to hoofing it up the park in some of the finest stadiums in Europe”.

President of UEFA Michel Platini was not entirely supportive of Caley’s accession to the big leagues:

“What is a Caley? Is that even a place? The beautiful game has never looked so crushingly mediocre.”

“At least it’s not Ross County, ‘Dingwall in Europe’ sounds like a teuchter porno.”

In honour of Caley’s achievement 2015 is to be renamed “the year of the Schneck”. The Tulloch Caledonian stadium is also set to be renamed to “El Tulloch Caledonian stadium”.