Elastic Band Wins National Mòd

Rubber Band with his friend Rubber Band

An elastic band has won the Royal National Mòd amid concerns that the competitions are becoming too ‘racy’. The elastic band apparently used to be part of the elastic in a thong worn by Maggie MacPherson, the famous Gaelic drunk and singer.

Judges were confused after seeing “The Elastic Band” on their entry sheets before discovering it was actually just an elastic band. The elastic band, known to friends as the elastic band, sang a heart-breaking rendition of Soraidh Leis an Àit’, before firing into a no-holes-barred, foot-tapping version of Gur Milis Morag.

The judges were unanimous in their decision to give all of the awards to the elastic band including all the choir, children’s, group and solo prizes. Mòd spokesperson David MacGàidhlig said, “I think it’s probably fair enough. It’s an inanimate elastic band for crying out loud!”

Some children complained at the unfairness of the decision but were promptly harshly beaten by Mòd officials and locked up in a walk-in fridge.

A Mòd stalwart Margo MacLean was critical of the elastic band and the Mòd’s approach to the situation. “Gone are the old days when the awards were given to actual people. It’s quite sad seeing our most treasured prizes given to things as opposed to living things. Then again, it did sing very well. I think it might’ve had professional training. That’s not fair really. I prefer the ones that wail and miss notes and forget words. That’s where the true talent lies.”