Ed Milliband Rules out Dealing with Ed Milliband

Ed Milliband has in a controversial move, ruled out doing any sort of post-electoral deal with Ed Milliband.

“Quite frankly the people of Great Britain expect better than me allowing myself into power by the back door” said Milliband. “If the price of a Labour government is Ed Milliband  pulling his own strings, then I am sorry but I must take a stand. ”

Ed then stumbled awkwardly before recovering gracefully and falling again like a twat.

We asked David Cameron for comment:

“Firstly I have never heard of this clearly fake newspaper. Please stop speaking to me in Welsh”.

“I am just having the best day though, I’m not really sure what is going on here but eh… thanks Ed… I suppose”.

Ed Milliband was unavailable for comment though his press office ensured us that Ed was working tirelessly to “snatch defeat from the jaws of victory”:

“Ed is working night and day reaching out to people across this great country to prevent 5 horrifying years Ed Milliband.”

Ed is believed to be riding out the controversy in the famously meek and unobtrusive city of Glasgow.