Dry January sufferers looking forward to Seshtember

Only 5 days into giving up booze for a month the only think that is keeping people going is the thought of reaching Seshtember – the only month that really matters.

Seshtember is the longest of the two months in the Scottish Calender, running from the first of February till the last thing you remember on Hogmanay.

NHS Scotland recommends slamming cans like a loon for no more than 11 months of the year to stop your liver dying completely.

“I joined a gym to get healthy but I’ve mostly just been sitting on the exercise bike shaking, sweating and thinking about Bacardi” said one sufferer.

“Staying dry is tough, thank god cocaine is a powder” said another.