Dogs starting to worry after Windrush deportations; Irish Border issue

With old-school racism back with a bang in Brexit Britain, canines across England are starting to worry if their own cherished status as “the nation’s favourite pet” is under threat.

Rover (47 in dog years), a black lab, said “The situation with the Windrush immigrants, and the uncertainty over the Irish border has left most of my neighbourhood with lowered ears and raised hackles. No Blacks, No Irish, I’m sorry to say next stop has to be No Dogs.”

The infamous signs which were reputed to be seen in 60s and 70s London, have always been seen as a symbol of insidious racism. But could the country of Crufts, the Corgi and tubby hairdressers taking selfies with their toy dog and calling themselves “pug mums” really turn against their four legged freinds?

Marli (73 in dog years), a cocker spaniel, said “I mean most of the pubs that used to have signs like that are either demolished, wine bars, Wotherspoons or mosques now, but my great great great great great great grand dad used to tell me about how he was never allowed in to the pub back in the old days. I’d hate my litters to grow up in a Britain that wasn’t doggy friendly. We shouldn’t have to be a guide dog to get in places.”

Some dogs are supportive though, Max, a Bulldog cross (35 in dog years) said “These bloody pugs comin’ over here and stealing the affections of the womenfolk, it isn’t right is it? First it was yer chiwarwars (sic), and now its yer pugs. What’s happened to the good old fashioned British dog? I’m all for tightening restrictions on foreign dogs if it means some of us have a better quality of life.”

“Dogs are a cherished part of our national identity and hard working and decent family dogs should have no fear about our new Canine ID programme. However, we will start putting down homeless people soon.” said Minister for Dogs Christina Spokes.