Culloden Battlefield building company obviously never watched any horror movies

With controversial plans afoot to turn Culloden Battlefield into just another Invernessian suburban hellhole, local movie geek, Darren McLaggan has thrown his weight behind those fighting to keep the site of Bonnie Prince Charlie’s last stand sacred.

“If horror movies have taught us anything, then it is that building suburban housing on the site of mass graves and/or genocidal events never has a good ending.” said Darren, 37, who drives a delivery truck and stays in a bed-sit in Hilton “I’ve watched The Shining over 72 times and the legacy of the extermination of the Native Americans who lived on the site of the Overlook was a definite factor behind Jack going crazy.” Indeed, the Gael has to pose the question, could this Culloden development be a case of ‘All Work and No Play Makes Jacobite a Dull Boy’?”

Darren continued “If we couple that with the plot of all three Poltergeist films, this development could potentially have the restless spirits of several thousand brutally massacred Highlanders taking out there frustrations at their slaughter by the British Government forces on some nice English family who moved up because dad got a well-paid job with LifeScan. Though thematically I’d have to nit-pick that because as you know a lot of the Hanoverian army were Scottish as well, but it works better on a plotting level to make the conflict more black and white y’know.”

In closing, as he had to go pick up a Mr Rice, Mr McLaggan said “Amityville Horror is your worst case scenario, unless of course you are a buy-to-renter because you’ll end up with a whole bunch of new tenants every few years.”

Kirkbroadfoot Homes, the company behind the project said “Inverness has an overwhelming need for even more American-style mega-homes for off-shore wives to rattle around in whilst descending into day-time wine drinking and cursing the lack of a decent Plenty Of Fish scene. Maybe a little haunting by an Outlander themed Poltergeist might give them something to do.”

At a protest against the plans today, one of the Culloden Battlefield protestors, Jim MacKinnon, said “I’ve never seen any horror films cause I’m feart but what is even more scary is that the Scottish Government went ahead and let this happen.”