Crofting Commission to shake off “Bad Boy” Image


The crofting commission has announced new plans to take the organisation in a less edgy and more family orientated direction. The commision has long been regarded as the “bad boy” of non departmental government bodies since the infamous “North Region Waterboard Massive” laid down it’s arms in 2013.

The Commission has alienated swathes in the Western Isles due to various turf wars involving dismissing grazing commissions and a series of well contested rap battles in the clothing section of Stornoway Co-op.

Tragically a local Grazing Clerk lost his life after commission member Eachann MacDiarmid’s sweet rhymes caused a 6 metre high stack of black pudding and lamb gigots to fall on spectators, killing 1, injuring 3 and entertaining 4 passers by.

The head of the Commission feels that decisive action is now needed:

“We will now be working with local communities rather than actively against them. We will be putting caps on inequitable land practices affecting crofters rather than putting caps in their asses, if you will.”

“We look forward to a bright new future of mutual co-operation in the interest of all involved in this important sector…BRAP BRAP BRAP COME AT ME DONALD I WILL FUCK YOUR CROFT UP.”