Couple crack open vintage £12 bottle of Frosty Jacks

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Besotted couple Morag and Doneil are making date night extra special by cracking open a £12 bottle of Frosty Jacks they had been saving for a special occasion.

“We had been saving it incase we had Doneil’s mum over or needed to perform emergency surgery on someone without anaesthetic” remarked Morag.

“This particularly fine vintage cider has been aged and matured for over 6 minutes next to a shop that sells apples”.

“Quality shit right enough” burped Doneil.

Due to Scotland’s minimum pricing laws Frosty Jack’s price has risen from £3.49 (spoof juice) to around £12 (reassuringly expensive).

Unconfirmed rumours suggest that Waitrose intend to market the brand to a more affluent clientele under the name “Arctic Breeze Jaque”.

Reaction to Scotland’s minimum price increase has been mixed with some critics incandescent that people will need to spend more than a fiver induce organ failure:

“Back in my day you could get a 3 litre bottle of Frosties, your stomach pumped and a wham bar for 20p!” claimed one distraught idiot.