Coronavirus: Tourists urged to avoid Massive Caravan Orgies

Would be visitors to the Highlands and Islands are being encouraged to stay away to avoid spreading the Coronavirus.

“It is absolutely imperative to avoid non essential travel” said Transport Minister Michael Matheson, but if you must travel North with your caravan please refrain from shagging everyone else in the layby.

“This is massively disappointing” said one prick throwing his refuse in a ditch in Glencoe. I came here to ensure my own safety and go to plough town (Baile an Treabhaidh) on 30 or 40 other caravan / pumping enthusiasts.

“All I want to do is lay low, stay safe, litter a bit, and then get my hole with minimum twenty other people before heading for home. I leave nothing but footprints and the odd lovechild.”

It is not clear whether this latest advice relates to an orgy of any size involving a large number of caravans, or a single orgy large-scale orgy taking place in a deluxe motor home.