Cameron: “Sand much better than Steel anyway”

In preparation for the impending collapse of the British steel industry the government has announced that everything we make from now on, will be made of sand.

“Sand is everywhere. It is yellow, plentiful and much cheaper than steel” said David Cameron. Anyone that has ever tried to make a sandcastle out of steel girders will know that sand is the superior building material”.

The news has been met with relief in the Western Isles who have up until now have had to rely on Calmac breakfasts for 89% of all revenue raised:

“This is fantastic news for Barra as we finally have something to export” said Isles MP Angus Brendan MacNeil.

Having the plane land on the beach has been a great tourist draw for the island, but the beach is being sent to Plymouth to become a warship. The plane will just have to land in the Co-op like everyone else. ”

Jeremy Corbyn has drummed up passionate support for the steel industry by reading a Franz Kafka novel in a room, alone.