Calmac: We might be sh*t but at least we have boats

Calmac are coming into 2019 swinging by reminding customers that unlike some of the competition they actually have some boats.

“We might occasionally sail to the wrong port and yes, part of our fleet is kept affloat by goodwill but at least we actually exist” said one Calmac spokesperson.

“We do a cracking curry – half and half rice and chips. It’s very difficult to serve curry on a boat that you haven’t built or commissioned yet.”

Calmac are hoping for a Brexit boom in 2019:

“We expect most of the £108 Million to be invested in ferries post-Brexit will go to the Mull run or possibly Arran to secure these vital links. We are also hoping to sail out of Mallaig once or twice this year. Fingers crossed!”