BT called round on Monday but everyone in Highlands was out

B.T have responded to allegations of gross negligence, leaving cables around for everyone to trip over and not having even a rough idea of where the Isle of Skye is.

“Aye, we were round aye. Definitely. You must have all been at the Mòd or in Glasgow for the day bulk buying meat for your chest freezers or getting trapped in Ikea.”

“We even checked in at all 247 post offices to see if Margaret knew were you all were, but no luck. Incidentally, did you know that every single person that works in a Highland post office is called Margaret?”

Highland customers are largely unable to shop around for better deals due to being separated from the rest of mainland Scotland by an impenetrable barrier of horseshit and corporate negligence.

B.T as expected are taking a relaxed attitude to difficulties in the region:

“So anyway, everything is fine. We’ll catch you all next year, and if you have any bother just drive south for 200 miles till you can send us an email”.

“And I am pretty sure the Isle of Skye is in Sweden, so that’s nothing to do with us.”