Boris sees off “Porridge Wog” for good this time

With the results of the final round of voting by Tory MPs being announced, it emerges that overwhelming favourite Boris Johnson has finally got revenge on Aberdonian late 90s coke taker, Mickey Gove for stabbing him in the back in 2016.

With a face that looks like Rick Moranis from Ghostbusters having a bad reaction to midge-bites, Mickey was confident that he could take on the Moseley Furby in a battle of wits, but hey, he won’t now and seeing as most Tory voters would happily see Scotland be independent than risk Brexit not happening, then the chance of the gammons voting for a “Porridge Wog” as prime minister were pretty slim anyway.

Mr Johnson will face off against walking cockney rhyming slang Jeremy Hunt who once said his wife was from North Tolsta when actually she was from Tolsta a Chaolais.