Bòrd na Gàidhlig to spend £1m to teach people how to pronounce the word Gaelic properly

Bòrd na Gàidhlig is to spend at least one million pounds over the next year in order to help the people of Scotland pronounce the word Gaelic correctly.

A spokesman for the board said “When the lads were down last in Glasgow to check up on MG Alba and Comhairle nan Leabhraichean, we just got fed up with the amount of taxi drivers and nice but dull people from Newton Mearns and Dumbarton who kept on pronouncing it Gaylick, instead of Gahllic, even when we told them we spoke Gaelic. We were like away tae fleek, that’s the pronunciation they use for Irish. This is fleeking Baile Mòr nan Gàidheal after all”

“Some will say this is a waste of money, teaching people to pronounce it like “Gahllic”, but we’re already seeing a spike on Twitter with the usual amadain saying “What About Pictish?”, “The Lowlands never spoke Gaelic” or “I’m Cumbric and Proud” fuelled by made up cac about the cost of Gaelic roadsigns from crazies. Helping people say Gaelic properly is a way to address that nonsaireachd.”

The Bòrd has also accounted for the usual awkward squad who will moan about any form of standardisation. “We understand there are a couple of exceptions to this pronunciation rule amongst Gaelic speakers, which is Nova Scotians and Adhamh O Broin, and they can really do what they want, they usually do, but we’re determined to cut out its use in the general Scottish population.”

Previous campaigns have had mixed success. “We’ve pretty much managed to eliminate the use of “The Gaelic” when it’s referred to by older types from Easter Ross so this is the next step in making Gaelic accepted in Modern Day Scotland.”

“Don’t mention mygaelic.com though.”

Murdo Macpherson of Gaelic campaigning group Misgeachd said, “Look, if we all just used Gàidhlig in English and Gaelic it would be a hoora lot cheaper.  Visca Catalunya!”