Barra and Eriskay building ‘very big Telescope’ for Papal visit to Ireland

The people of Eriskay and Barra are preparing for Pope Francis’s Papal visit to Ireland by building and £84 Million ‘big telescope’ on top of Beinn Sgritheinn – the highest peak of the Eriskay Alps.

Not ones to miss out on a mass but not keen to risk dealing with the ferries to the mainland these two island communities have rallied together and agreed to use of a portion of the £200 million raised at bake sales on the project.

“Not only will our communities be able to see Pope Francis mass, they will also be able to count the microfibres in his Papal hat or the individual atoms on his Papal face” said Isles MP Angus Brendan MacNeil.

Getting to our own mainland is enough hassle at the moment, never mind a different mainland. We thought it would be much easier to build a galactic scale supertelescope than risk travelling via Mallaig or Oban.

Barra’s only engineer “Callan the sparky” has been hard at work all weekend on the project which would be the greatest technological marvel built since the Hoover Dam or Eriskay causeway. A team of “very techy ponies” has been drafted in to assist.

The people of South Uist although excited for the Popes visit, have declined to take part in the project:

“There is actually already a ginormous telescope at the rocketry range in Benbecula that would do the job fine” said one Uibhisteach.

“Please don’t tell them though, it’ll just interrupt their holiness”.

“We in South Uist have decided to take the sensible option and spend our £100 million converting the Borrodale Inn into the world biggest telly for the occasion.”