Comhairle nan Eilean buys a Jumbo Jet for Christmas

Comhairle nan Eilean Siar will be flying high next financial year with the news that they have purchased a Boeing 747 for use on Council business. Itealan na Comhairle will be taking to the skies from March, based at Stornoway Airport.

Already nicknamed Air Force Bern after the Comhairle’s mercurial super-director of everything Bernard Chisholm, it follows in the footsteps of other innovative projects the Comhairle has done over the years, like Superloos, that whole thing going on with Iceland right now, and the Bilingual Education Policy.

A Comhairle press-release said “We need to be the first local authority in Scotland with its own 747. The runway at Stornoway is so big that we’d be fools not to exploit that amazing resource. We can fly out all the cailleachs who we can’t look after and just parachute them out over Raigmore, in fact we’ll do the same with the livestock when we shut the abattoir down as well. We’re also going to shut down the library and library van service in both Uists and Lochs and fly the books down once a month. We’re doing a feasibility study in consultation with the local community about possibly using the Arivruaich straight to land her there. However, turns it out it was easier and cheaper to transfer  Barra to a holding company that just so happens to be 75% owned by some comhairlichean that will then see it transfer to Argyll & Bute for a good sized rent because Tràigh Mhòr can’t take the weight.”

When pressed as to whether this was a good way to spend the God-fearing™, formerly Gaelic speaking archipelago’s cash, the Comhairle said “We face difficult financial challenges but we got a great deal from United Airline’s Christmas sale. We also got some advice from them on how to best to deal with difficult customers.”