Aberdonians not really surprised by local weirdo being ex-coke taker

With Tory leadership contender Michael Gove admitting to doing a shit load of coke “socially”, Aberdonian locals have spoken out saying “Yeah he’s a bit of a wrong un.”

Following in a long line of pseudo-facist nuttters from peripheral areas (Aberdenn, Austria, Georgia, Corsica) who decided they best encapuslated the ideals of the centralist state they idolised, Mr Gove recently acknowleged that he took a good snot of ching at social events in the late 1990s.

Mr Gove told the Daily Mail:, the Daily Gael’s parody equivalent in South East Englad “I took drugs on several occasions at social events more than 20 years ago.

“At the time I was a young journalist. It was a mistake. I look back and think ‘I wish I hadn’t done that’.”

He added: “It was 20 years ago and yes, it was a mistake. But I don’t believe that past mistakes disqualify you.” #actualbbcquote

Whilst Rory Stewart just did a bit of leisurely opium at a probably kickass Afghan wedding that was so mental it probably didn’t need booze, Gove was probably just trying to admit to this previous Tearlach habit to be edgy as fuck and appeal to the 2 people in the Tory party who haven’t bought full scale into sacrificing their grandchildren for Brexit, but loved a toot before 2006.

Aberdonian local, Duncan Matheson form Dyce said “Ken, Ah dinna like that Sturgeon but ahm fair spekelt wi thon Gove takin the ching. We ken hes thon ersehole an nae boady would vote fer that ersehole. Nae surprise wi hoo arrogant n kenspecklt thon prick is. Ah’ve got nothign against erselholes that are a bit up themsel but thon prick couldna conivnce Sasannach teachers to buy into his Ayn Randgoblin shit. How the else would sum cunt get into thon state o mind tae sell of thone NHS. Mon the Dons! Europa League here we cum!”

English teacher Gerry Collins from Aberdeen said “He’s just a straight up fud.”. On hearing this, candidate Gove promised to extend Brexit until people grew to like him until the year 2763.