Croftbait: 7 Sure Signs your Border Collie is about to leave you.

Crofters, it’s the stuff of nightmares isn’t it? You wake up one morning to find that your faithful companion Collie has gone with the wind. Spot these warning signs early to avoid heartbreak.

1. He has learned to bark the word “Goodbye” – This one is pretty self explanatory. He could have picked any word but instead of learning “sausage” or “pooptime” he has chosen to bid you farewell. Time to start taking him seriously.

2. He has tearfully humped all of your possessions – If he has given everything in the house an emotional farewell “seeing to” you best believe he isn’t planning on sticking around.

3. He has been fruitlessly trying to get on the Citylink Buses website – The Citylink website is notoriously difficult to navigate, especially for a dog. But he just keeps trying anyway.

4. He has amassed over 90 cans of dog food – To spite barely keeping two tins in the cupboard and dogs not having hands he has somehow amassed a substantial but poorly concealed horde of dried food in the hallway.

5. He has been tossing sheep over the fence while barking the tune to “Free Whilly” – If he is re-enacting this beloved moment of an animal regaining its freedom it is probably a sign.

6. He has burned his leash – He has overcome his profound fear of fire purely to make a bold statement. It may already be too late.

7. You haven’t seen him for over a week – Oh. He has probably gone then. He must have had some luck with the Citylink website. Sorry.