The most liveable place in the Western Isles revealed!

Balivanich, also known as the “Costa del Concrete”has been granted the honor of being named the “most inhabitable” settlement outside of lovely Lewis by Comhairle nan Eilean Siar.

Deciding factors included connectivity to Stornoway, having the second biggest Comhairle office and it’s inspiring second-hand concrete architecture. Balivanich was closely followed by Lochmaddy Ferry Terminal in second place.

‘Why anyone would want to live in the rest of Uist is beyond me and there are definitely no islands further south’ stated one Comhairle spokesperson from his office in Stornoway. ‘ Barra is a type of gin, not an island and South Uist is what we call Creagorry Co-op.’

He added, ‘we hope this will encourage all those teuchters to bring themselves into civilisation by shifting to the place where we’ve relocated all the services.’ The spokesperson smiled while gleefully referencing the steady closings of the schools, the hospitals, the doctor’s surgeries, the police stations, the post offices, the shops, the industry and the wee chip shop by the road in Daliburgh.

A spokesperson for NHS Western Isles also commented, ‘the NHS welcomes this news, as it synergises perfectly with our plans for a new dental hub, far away from where anyone can access it.’

VisitScotland, not wanting to miss out on the fun, joined the party, saying ‘f*** it, let’s close the tourist centres too! What a great list the Comhairle has made. We love lists!’

‘From now on, tourists who have become disoriented and wandered off Skye should make their way directly through the port-towns – no stopping now – and into the heartland of Uist, Balivanich.’

‘We highly recommend the water-tower.’